Over My Father and Beyond His Problems.

I've never really talked about this in any of my posts before but my father is an alcoholic. He's been through AA before many times and has even quit drinking for many years strait. Recently though he has been trying to quit and relapsing much to my dismay. Each time I have been supporting him and trying to do him better but his personality and attitude changes whenever he decides to sit down and have one or twelve. He becomes what most people like to call an annoying asshole. A Mr. Know-it-all, a jokester, your best buddy that you never ever wanted. It irritates me even having to recollect all the details about how he acts like that. Common loss of memory is a thing as well when he drinks too, so having to repeat details to him over and over can be quite tedious and very aggravating. Not to mention the fact that I cannot STAND to be around him even if he's had one drink, to which he takes a HUGE offense to and likes to turn it around and guilt trip me. I cannot stand my dad this way and I believe I am through with him trying over and over and failing for no reason, because he has yet to give me an excuse as to why he keeps staying the way he is. 

I believe in my family I am the only one fighting against him to help him change himself and bring about a better tomorrow not just for him but for everyone around and involved with him. Now, don't get me wrong here, I do love my dad, I just strongly dislike who he has become and wonder when my dad will come back to me. I've been told many times to stop fighting on his behalf and just let him change when he is ready to change but it seems as if without the push he isn't willing to do anything. I will admit he has good qualities about him. He is hard working and pays the bills, though he could use a better job that doesn't take such a physical toll on his already aging body. Pretty soon I think he'll have to file for disability if it keeps up the way it is with him too. 

It's hard to say now that I am just doing me and me alone in my family now but I'm afraid that now I have to let go. In a previous argument that happened earlier today over cooking some ribs (yeah, you read correctly, over ribs), we go into it about his drinking. I asked him if he had a plan to retry to quit drinking again. As usual however, he got all offended making excuses up about and turning it around about me. This was just over a simple question. Many of the things he said to me were, "Well, you don't support me even when I'm drinking or anything." or a classic, "I always support you and don't give you grief about it!" but ultimately ended up with him saying, "Man, just let me eat my sandwiches alone in peace, didn't come to be interrogated or anything". I think at that point even while angry I made the decision to just move on and do me. No more support for him on any part whether he's drinking or not. That old man that calls himself my father (which he ISN'T when he drinks) can do his own thing now while I focus on doing me (Let's not forget Jaxx, I'm still with her helping her do her thing too). 

tl;dr: I'm done helping an old man that wants to change, but won't make the sacrifices necessary to do so. Time to focus solely on me and my issues. 

Thanks for reading. 

Go have an awesome day.