Those who don't learn from the past...

In my lifetime I have been blessed enough to have many of wonderful things. I think that my most precious and wonderful of these many things in my life would have to be Jaxx. For her, I would sacrifice anything and everything at her whim. She has been the blessed start to guide me and love me and even call herself my equal, which I found to be very humbling as I consider her way above me. However, I have been selfish in my ways and hadn't considered all she'd already sacrificed for me while I mention what I'd only do. I was just talking the talk while she was full on sprinting. 

Today I nearly lost her. That pain hit me so hard like a runaway train. I felt the air getting heavier and it hard to breathe as tears ran down my face. I thought for sure I'd lose the love of my life this day due to my own selfishness. I didn't want everything we had worked so hard to build to come crumbling down. Where did things go so bad that it had gotten to this? Why weren't we like this in the beginning? 

It then hit me. 

Why can't we go back to how we were in the beginning? We kept things simple and didn't know a lot about each other. We weren't in each others businesses. We'd go out on dates, hold hands, explore new places to go. I had come to realize we don't do much of this anymore. All we do is just 'hang out'. I'd become to wrapped up in trying to trump myself or those who gave her these gifts to realize she loves the smaller things in life more than the huge gifts. I asked her if she'd give it a shot to return to how we were. She agreed only if I would. More than anything I want my Jaxx to be that happy, loving, beautiful woman she truly is again. And so, it's time for me to tear down these walls and rebuild and strengthen the foundation we laid down. 

I know where my efforts must truly lie now, not where I'd like them to be but where I they need to be. 

And Jaxx... I love you with all of my heart and soul. It is true I cannot measure how much it is that I'm in love with you and I know that it blinds us and makes us dumb at times. I just want to say thank you for everything you've done and continue to do for me. You have my eternal gratitude.